World mental health day my story – mum full of love prognosis after anoxic brain injury

I’ve gone into minor detail in my previous post on my second trimester of pregnancy; how I felt that my previous mental health struggles were returning to haunt me. In April 2015, I suffered from a nervous breakdown due to my depression and anxiety which resulted in me trying to take my own life.

Why? Because I didn’t feel like it was worth being alive any longer. I couldn’t cope with what was going on around me. nanoxia deep silence 2 I’d had a tough year away from home. I was at university. I didn’t enjoy my course. Even though I was working part time, I couldn’t afford to eat so my weight dropped to 7 stone because I’d rather spend the little money I had on wine rather than food. I’d just come out of a relationship the year before with someone who nearly broke me and rushed into another with someone who looking back I wasn’t compatible with.

The breakdown and the attempt was the worst of it. I’ve always been an anxious person. When I was younger and to a degree until my breakdown, I used to tell people little white lies about myself. I felt like it would make me feel better about myself because my self confidence was so low. I started having panic attacks when I was around 14 as well when things became too much or if I felt extremely uncomfortable in new situations. These panic attacks eventually started to happen when I was on my own as well because I’d overthink about the stupidest things that I can’t even remember looking back. I’d then reach that ‘fight or flight’ stage and eventually, this resulted in me starting to cut myself. Grab a razor or a hairpin and just go to town on my arms or legs. That phase wasn’t permanent. I’d go months without anything then in the space of a week have 3 episodes of this behaviour. These often went in line after periods where I’d drink or smoke excessively too. It wasn’t a great cycle to be in.

These got to their worst just after I went to university. University: allegedly the best years of your life. This was the worst. My unreasonable, selfish behaviour was priority and I clearly didn’t give a shit about anyone else or anything else. I’d be out drinking 5 times minimum a week and every morning after felt this overwhelming sense of regret. 90% of the time, this would involve me then having a panic attack and then missing lectures. I’d be too weak to even go to Tesco. Sometimes, these feelings would occur half way through a night out and I’d just leave everyone. anoxic brain injury nursing diagnosis I wouldn’t tell them where I was going. I’d take walks on my own down to the seafront and just cry or I’d go back to my flat and self harm. The cycle was never ending.

About 6 weeks before my attempt, I did make an effort to sort myself out. I contacted the University’s mental health team. Because of the severity, they urged me to contact my GP which I did who referred me to my local mental health team. However, they refused to treat me because I had self harmed. que es la anoxia cerebral All they did was start me on some citalopram. I found this out 2 days before the attempt which you could understand, did not help the situation. I also spoke to my family about giving up uni as I just wasn’t enjoying it. At the time, not knowing anything, they urged me to continue on.

I can’t remember much about that night, but me and a friend went out for a few drinks to blow off some steam. It was 2 weeks before our exams so was our last evening off before serious revision sessions began. It was a Thursday so we headed to our favourite bar. Several drinks later, we ended up at the club night next door. Bumped into my recently broken up ex. Begged him to come back with me. He saw the state I was in and said no. A couple of my other friends there put me to bed because I was completely smashed. It was because they wanted to help me however, at this point in time, felt everything was against me. My friends, my family, men, the government, my own mind. Then it all went blank. I woke up about 2 hours later on the floor in the flat with my flatmates, paramedics and a Chaplin around me, cuts all over my arms and the coathanger on my door broken. I then panicked massively and tried to kick the paramedics off me. When they threatened to section me, i just broke down and told them everything I had felt for 5 years. My parents had been called and they were picking me up. I remember my dad’s face. It’s then I realised how stupid I had been. I realised that actually, there are people that really do care about me. If i was successful that night, I would have hurt so many more people.

I’ve never gotten to the point where I felt like I was that night. anoxia adalah I did give citalopram a go but it made me more panicky than ever. I quit uni and started at work full time. Saying that, work never knew of the severity of the situation I was going through. At the time, I felt embarrassed by what I’d done. I told my manager at the time it was the flu that weekend and came back to work a week later as if nothing had happened. It was only last year when I nearly got back to that place that I actually mentioned how much I had struggled and about what I’d done before and they were shocked. They fully supported me and still do now today even when I’ve had a bad day. My parents now understand mental health a lot more. They know the signs of when they think I’m slipping back to my destructive ways and how to deal with me. We talk more. If I’m not feeling great I can tell them and they put things back into perspective for me.

I’m never going to be free of my mental health demons; I still get panic attacks. I still get days where I feel like I’d be better off not being here. I’ve never self harmed since that day. anxiety attack vs panic attack treatment I religiously put bio oil on my arms for months and they’ve got rid of most of the scars I’d given myself which I’m thankful for. With Jamie still in the neonatal ward, I do find it incredibly difficult. Today for example, I started to feel a panic attack start up when I was sat watching him sleep and called Rob, who was getting out lunch to bring back, to pick me up and take me home before I had a full on one. I spent the whole 20 minute car journey and first half an hour back at home crying and a full on panic attack. Why? Because I just felt overwhelmed with everything. I felt like the nurses feel like I’m not spending enough time with my baby because I’m not there 24/7 and take a few hours between visits to clear my head and focus on my recovery too. I know I’m being silly, but at the time that’s how I felt.

Am I worried about postpartum depression? Yes. After experiencing mild antenatal depression I am terrified. I’m terrified it’s going to affect how I bond with Jamie. I love the little pipsqueak more than anything in the world and more than I’ve ever loved anything. I’d do anything for him. I do not want my own mental health to stop that and I’m not going to let it. I want him to feel comfortable to tell me if he’s ever not feeling happy and that I’ll be there for him.