Pastors learn about domestic violence news kalonanews.com anxiety disorder test

“After awhile it became apparent to me that no one knew what to do with us. We were dismissed no less that four times and I was told that they had done all they could,” she recalled. “It is hard to describe the despair and disillusionment that I felt at that time. I felt trapped.”

“I have a dream” she said during her presentation, “that someday those in law enforcement, social workers, staff at women’s shelters and the courts who work with these situations all the time can some day be able to say, ‘Lets send these people to this church or to that pastor because they know how to deal with abuse.’ I would like to see them all join hands and work together to fight against it.”

1. Educate yourself about DV.


There are many resources available to you that you can take advantage of. There are excellent books some of which I have read and many I haven’t, but find them and read them. anoxic seizure nhs One that I recommend is “Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. Another one is “A Cry For Justice” by Jeff Crippen. This last one is mostly directed at pastors and he has a good handle on abuse and how it works. There are resources online that are helpful. Talk to victims of abuse and listen to their stories. Find out as much as you can about the tactics that abusers use and what victims need. nanoxia deep silence 120mm ultra quiet pc fan Sometimes pastors feel qualified to counsel everyone and every situation based on spiritual knowledge but with abuse you are dealing with a completely different mindset than the average person has. It is so important to understand what you are dealing with. And one of the most important reasons to educate yourself is because often pastors are the first person the victim confides in.

2. If a victim comes to you with a story of abuse BELIEVE HER! That may sound very simplistic but many times victims are not believed. Along with that just be aware that even though a victim has finally gathered up enough courage to share it with someone she will only share a small part of what is actually happening. It is embarrassing and shameful to talk about what an abuser does, some of it sounds crazy even to the victim and many times she has been warned by the abuser of what will happen if she dares to talk to anyone. But it is not only the inner battle that goes on to keep her from talking, but also the responses of those she tries to talk to. It’s just a fact that lots of people don’t want to hear about someone else’s problems. anxiety test pdf Sometimes they change the subject, or they will laugh, or they will say, “Well if you were really honest you’d have to admit that things aren’t really as bad as you think.” Or, “what have you done to make him so angry?” All of the above are responses that I have received. And when someone is trying to share their deepest pain with you that keeps them silent. Just believing her and taking it seriously is very validating and so important.

3. Abusers are often hiding in the church. What better place to hide than under a cover or façade of being a good Christian or religious person. And unfortunately one of the favorite tactics of a religious abuser against his victim is to use scripture and the churches teachings that women are to submit to their husbands.

4. Many times it is the victim who exhibits the visible problematic behavior. Depression, anxiety, excessive talking, (not necessarily about the abuse but just a desperate attempt to be heard) sometimes she seems undependable and unreliable maybe promising something and at the last minute changing her mind for no explainable reason, she may seem cold, aloof and unfriendly, maybe she is constantly trying to correct other women’s behavior, telling them they dress too provocatively or act too flirtatious. She is seen as having “mental problems.” I can tell you I have seen all of that in my own community and among relatives. But if you dig a little deeper you will often find an abusive husband behind the scenes. But what else can you expect from someone who is terrorized day in and day out, who cannot get away from it. The perpetrator on the other hand looks like he’s OK, calm, very spiritual, concerned about his wife’s problems, in control. It is an image that he carefully constructs and maintains that his wife is the one with problems and not himself.

5. Couples counseling is one of the worst things you can do to try and solve the problems. You have to separate the abuse from the marriage. The abuse must be dealt with first before you can ever hope to do anything with the marriage. homeopathy treatment for hypoxic brain injury To start with the victim is not going to talk and be really honest with the abuser sitting there next to her. She knows she will be punished for talking after the counseling session. He may just give her the “look” and she knows she had better not open her mouth. Or if something is brought out He may pretend repentance and sorrow for what he has done and then yell at her on the way home. Abusers are somehow skilled at drawing the attention away from their own behavior onto something else.

6. Finally, and this is basically reiterating what I said in my first point: educate yourself about what victims need and how to help them. Help them to come up with a safety plan if they want one and even if they don’t think they need one, plan one anyhow in case the day comes when she needs one. Think about the needs that she may have such as a place to live, transportation, money, food and childcare. Recognize the emotional, mental and physical exhaustion and confusion she is likely experiencing. And then learn about how to deal with abusers. Most experts who work with abusers say they do not change. anoxic brain damage recovery stories Although much care needs to be taken in the way they are dealt with (because you do not want to make things worse for the victim) at the very least they need to know that you are not taken in by their attempts at deception and you need to take a stand against their abuse and let them know it is not welcome in your church.