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Yesterday, I started watching Queer Eye. I’ve only seen two episodes, but I really like it so far. It almost feels like it fills a hole that I didn’t know was there before. As a semi-closeted, kind-of-questioning, pre-transition, gay queer trans person who doesn’t go to school or socialize or go out (like, at all), I feel like I’m missing out on a lot.

You know that cliche, the one about a “boy trapped in a girl’s body”. I feel kind of like that. Except I’m not sure about the boy part. It’s more like a very uncomfortable person who is definitely not a girl, trapped in a girl’s life. Everyone still treats me like a girl. nanoxia deep silence 6 review It’s not entirely their fault. I have come out as trans to most of the people in my life (which, at the moment is not a lot of people, but it is a lot to me), but as I’ve said so many times, I’m still figuring things out.

The only thing I’m sure about is that I’m not a girl. My best guess right now is either non-binary (/transmasc) or transguy. I’m still working on it. I know labels are just words, but they are still relevant because it’s so much easier to say “oh I’m _____” then explain everything, even though sometimes you have to explain things anyways, but its easier to use labels, you know what I mean? Except right now, I’m confused and I don’t have an easy answer for people when they ask. anoxia refers to I can’t just tell them not to use she/her because I have no alternative. What are they gonna do? Stop acknowledging my existence? I wish. Also, I literally only hang out with my mom, my dog, and my neighbor, who’s basically a kind of old lady. Not really people I’d like to discuss my transness and gayness with. But there’s more to it than just the social aspect. I still wear girl’s clothes, and generally just feel uncomfortable with my clothes and body. “But that’s easy!” you say, “Just go buy boys clothes”. But, no, nothing is every easy with me, because shopping makes me so anxious and uncomfortable and I don’t know what clothes to buy, where, how to do it. My mom will try to help, but she doesn’t have a clue either. And my body. social anxiety test pdf My actual physical body. My chest makes me so uncomfortable and there’s a million things I could say about it (I really need to make a post about it soon), but in the end, there’s only so much a binder can do, and top surgery seems to be the only answer. But top surgery isn’t something you can just decide on and go through overnight. Especially if you’re like me: 16, anxious, makes everything more complicated than it has to be. Oh, what else can I do? Start testosterone? Again, too complicated, too scary, I don’t even want to think about all it takes to go into that. Also my mental health in general is still pretty terrible and probably something I should work on. So. Yeah. Very uncomfortable person who is definitely not a girl, trapped in a girl’s life.

So, back to Queer Eye. Queer Eye is very gay and very male and there hasn’t been much of that in my life. At least, I feel like there should be a lot more of that given how very gay and queer I am. Also I like the transformation part because its interesting and I like seeing how happy and confident they are at the end. I wish I could wave a magic wand and I could be happy and confident. Guess I’ll just have to diy Queer Eye. That actually might work. And, of course, I gotta take it slow, go my own pace, don’t beat myself up if I can’t go as fast as everyone else. blah blah blah *inspirational stuff*. Ok, ok. Game plan. anoxia definicion What are their names again? uhh..